I Miss When Social Media Was Actually Social

By Sara | Burnt Out Perfectionist

Remember when you could actually finish scrolling Instagram?

You'd open the app, see what your friends had posted, like a picture of someone's dog, catch up on a vacation, find out what Jasmine did over the weekend, and eventually reach the posts you'd already seen.

And that was it.

You were caught up.

You could put your phone down and carry on with your day.

I miss that.

I miss when social media was actually social.

And before someone suggests I delete Instagram, unfollow everyone, or spend less time on my phone, that's not really what I'm looking for.

I actually love social media.

I love staying connected with people, discovering new things, supporting businesses, and knowing what's happening in my community.

I even work with social media, so I'm certainly not pretending it's all terrible.

But somewhere along the way, social media stopped feeling like a place to catch up with people and started feeling like one giant commercial break.

And I have questions.

Because how did we go from posting blurry pictures of our lunch to needing an algorithm, a content strategy, and apparently a tutorial just to see what our friends did over the weekend?

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Remember When Our Instagram Feeds Were Ugly?

There was a time when we just posted whatever we wanted.

Blurry pictures. Terrible lighting. Random lunches. Seventeen photos from the same night out.

Our pets doing absolutely nothing interesting.

And nobody cared.

Well, maybe we cared a little. We were still choosing our profile pictures very carefully.

But there wasn't this expectation that everything needed to look like it belonged in a magazine.

Then came perfectly curated Instagram grids, matching filters, and carefully planned posts.

And now?

We're scrolling through professionally produced advertisements, influencers selling products, and endless recommendations from people we've never heard of.

I can follow someone for years and barely see their posts, but Instagram has somehow decided I desperately need to watch a stranger organize their refrigerator.

And don't get me wrong, I love a good organized refrigerator.

But I didn't open Instagram looking for a new personality.

I opened it to see my friends.

How Did We Get Here?

THEN: THE EARLY DAYS

A picture.

A caption.

A few likes.

Done.

THEN CAME: THE CURATED ERA

Better lighting.

Matching filters.

The perfect caption.

Making sure everything fits the grid.

NOW: THE CONTENT ERA

A content strategy.

Trending audio.

Hashtags and keywords.

Engagement.

Analytics.

Affiliate links.

Sponsored posts.

An algorithm deciding who gets to see it.

All I wanted to do was post a picture of my coffee.

And that's the thing. Not every moment needs to become content.

Sometimes someone just wants to share a picture of their dog sitting on the couch.

No life lesson required.

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Apparently, Having a Nice Saturday at Home Isn't Enough Anymore

Here's what really gets me.

You could have had a perfectly lovely Saturday.

Maybe you stayed home, made coffee, curled up under a blanket, read a book, did some laundry, and enjoyed not having anywhere you needed to be.

Maybe your kids played outside.

Maybe you watched a movie with your family.

Maybe you ordered pizza.

Maybe you did absolutely nothing productive.

And it was wonderful.

Then you open Instagram.

Someone's on vacation.

Someone else took their kids to an incredible family event.

Someone's renovating their kitchen.

Someone's running a marathon.

A local business is advertising a sale you apparently shouldn't miss.

And someone else is explaining the five things successful people do before 6 a.m.

Suddenly you're wondering whether you wasted your Saturday.

You were perfectly happy with your day until social media showed you a hundred different ways you could have spent it.

That's the part I find so frustrating.

I wasn't unhappy. I wasn't bored. I wasn't wishing I had done something different.

I was having a nice day.

And it's not necessarily jealousy. Sometimes it's just that little feeling of, Oh, should we have done that?

Should we have gone somewhere?

Should we have signed up for something?

Should we have made more memories?

Should I have accomplished something?

Social media has always involved comparison, but now we're comparing ourselves to people around the world with completely different lifestyles, incomes, circumstances, and priorities.

And we're seeing everyone's highlights, all at once.

Add in the constant stream of concerts, festivals, markets, school fundraisers, family activities, and limited-time experiences, and suddenly FOMO feels like a full-time job.

I love knowing what's happening in my community.

But I don't want to feel like I should be attending every single thing.

Not everything needs to go on the calendar. Not every weekend needs to be memorable.

Sometimes staying home was the plan.

And sometimes the plan was absolutely nothing.

That counts too.

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Just Because I Follow Your Business Doesn't Mean I Want to See Every Single Post

Let's talk about businesses for a minute.

Because I genuinely enjoy following them.

I want to support local shops. I want to know when my favourite store has a sale, when a restaurant opens, or when an airline has an incredible promotion.

And yes, I absolutely want to know when that resort I followed three years ago is giving away a vacation.

But do I need to see pictures of that resort every single day?

No.

Especially when I'm sitting at home in October looking at people drinking cocktails beside an infinity pool.

Thanks, Instagram. I was having a perfectly lovely Tuesday until you reminded me I'm not in Mexico.

And let's be honest. How many accounts did we originally follow because of a contest?

An airline giving away flights.

A resort offering a vacation.

A local business giving away a gift basket.

You followed because you wanted to enter, and you didn't necessarily unfollow afterward because, well, what if they do another contest?

I don't want to stop following you. I just don't need you in my face every single day.

And I say this as someone who works with social media.

I understand why businesses post. I know how much work goes into creating content, staying visible, and reaching customers.

I'm not blaming businesses for using the platforms the way they're designed.

But as someone scrolling those platforms?

Sometimes I just want to see Jasmine's weekend pictures.

I Want to Follow Businesses Without Constantly Shopping

Imagine being able to open a business feed when you're interested in shopping.

Or a community feed when you want to know what's happening locally.

Or a friends feed when you want to catch up with people.

Instead, everything gets mixed together.

A picture of your friend's baby.

An advertisement for a vacuum.

A school announcement.

A vacation package.

A recipe.

Another vacuum.

Someone's birthday.

An influencer explaining why you need a completely different skincare routine.

And another vacuum.

I don't even need a vacuum.

Why are we still talking about vacuums?

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Even Looking for a Recipe Has Become an Entire Production

Remember when Pinterest felt like a magical place where you could search for dinner ideas, scroll through a few options, and pick something delicious?

Sure, Pinterest always had rabbit holes.

We've all gone looking for a chicken recipe and somehow ended up planning an imaginary kitchen renovation.

But now, between sponsored content, repetitive recommendations, questionable AI-generated food images, and products we never intended to shop for, finding a simple recipe can become a project.

All I Wanted Was Dinner

1. Search for a chicken recipe.
2. Find a delicious-looking picture.
3. Click it.
4. Discover it doesn't lead to the recipe.
5. Go back and find another.
6. Discover it requires a kitchen gadget I don't own.
7. Get distracted by a storage solution.
8. Watch a video about organizing my pantry.
9. Forget what I originally wanted to make.

Forty-five minutes later: Still no dinner. But apparently, I need matching containers.

And don't even get me started on life hacks.

Sometimes the hack takes longer than just doing the thing.

Sometimes it requires purchasing six products.

And sometimes it's just the original task with seventeen additional steps and better lighting.

The algorithms don't help either.

Watch one organizing video? Congratulations, you're now apparently a professional organizer.

Pause on a vacation video? You're moving to a tropical island.

Look at one recipe? Here are forty-seven variations.

Sometimes I was just curious.

Sometimes I was distracted.

And sometimes I watched because the video was so ridiculous I couldn't look away.

That doesn't mean I want more.

It means I had a moment.

Not everything needs to be optimized. And not every ordinary problem requires a product recommendation.

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The Problem Isn't Social Media. It's How Little Control We Have Over It.

I don't think social media is inherently terrible.

Actually, I think it's an incredible tool.

It connects families, supports small businesses, helps schools and community organizations communicate, and gives charities opportunities to raise awareness and find volunteers.

I don't want to lose any of that.

But I also don't want every spare moment turned into an opportunity to buy something, improve something, or feel like I'm falling behind.

I want to shop when I'm interested in shopping.

I want to discover new things when I'm interested in discovering new things.

And I want to catch up with friends when I'm interested in catching up with friends.

It's not that I don't want recommendations. It's that I don't always want recommendations.

There's a difference.

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So, Can We Actually Take Back Our Social Media Feeds?

Kind of!

Most major platforms now offer ways to influence what you see.

Favorites. Following. Friends. Muting. Snoozing. Content preferences.

Wonderful!

Except some of these options are buried in settings, require manual setup, or don't stay selected when you reopen the app.

It feels a little like someone rearranged your entire house and then proudly explained that you're welcome to move everything back yourself.

And tomorrow, they might rearrange it again.

But I've found a few options worth knowing about.

Instagram: My 50 Favourite People

Did you know Instagram lets you create a separate feed of up to 50 accounts?

It's called Favorites, and it shows recent posts from those accounts in chronological order without ads or suggested posts mixed in.

I follow nearly 1,500 accounts, so choosing just 50 was an interesting little exercise.

But once I finished, I actually loved it.

I could open a feed and see people I wanted to catch up with.

Imagine that.

Here's how to set it up:

1. Open Instagram.
2. Tap Instagram at the top of your Home screen.
3. Select Favorites.
4. Choose Add Favorites or manage your list.
5. Search for people and add up to 50 accounts.

When you want to see that feed, select Instagram → Favorites again.

The catch? You can't make it your permanent default.

Because apparently, remembering that I want to see my friends is too much to ask.

Don't Worry, This Isn't MySpace's Top 8

For my fellow millennials who survived the emotional warfare of MySpace's Top 8, I have wonderful news.

Nobody can see your Instagram Favorites list.

Remember when someone would get offended because they went from number three to number seven?

Or disappeared altogether?

What a time to be alive.

Thankfully, your coworker, distant cousin, or husband's aunt's neighbour will never know they didn't make your Instagram Favorites.

You can still follow them.

You can still like their pictures.

This isn't a friendship ranking. It's a feed preference.

We've evolved.

Well, at least in that one very specific area.

What About the Other Platforms?

Here's a quick look at what you can try:

None of these options is perfect. Some feeds still include ads, and some aren't strictly chronological.

But they're a start.

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I Made a Free Guide Because Apparently This Requires Instructions

I could explain every setting for every platform right here.

But then this blog would turn into a forty-seven-step instruction manual.

And considering I started writing this because I miss social media being simple, that feels a little ironic.

So I made something you can actually use.

The Social Media Reset: Your No-Nonsense Guide to Taking Back Your Feeds

A free downloadable guide with step-by-step instructions for Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, Pinterest, YouTube, and Threads.

It covers where to tap, what the settings do, and the limitations worth knowing.

Save it to your phone, use it while adjusting your apps, or send it to a friend who's also wondering why they never see anyone they actually follow anymore.

No complicated tech talk.

No three-hour digital detox project.

And no signing up for seventeen newsletters.

DOWNLOAD THE FREE SOCIAL MEDIA RESET GUIDE

Because the whole point is to make our digital lives easier, not give ourselves another thing to do.

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What I Wish Every Social Media Platform Would Let Us Do

If I could change one thing, it would be the ability to create my own feed categories and choose which one opens by default.

Imagine having five simple options:

Then one simple question:

Which feed would you like to open by default?

That's it.

I don't want to unfollow an airline because I might want to know about its next seat sale.

I don't want to unfollow a local business because I genuinely want to support it.

I just want those things somewhere I can intentionally go looking for them.

And once I've selected my preferred feed, I'd like it to stay that way until I change it.

Not until I close the app.

Not until tomorrow morning.

Until I decide otherwise.

Surely that isn't too much to ask?

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I Don't Want to Leave Social Media. I Just Want It to Feel Social Again.

I don't hate advertising.

I don't hate content creators.

And I certainly don't hate discovering new things.

Some of my favourite discoveries have come from social media.

But I miss the ordinary updates.

The random pictures.

The birthdays, pets, kids, vacations, dinners, and little moments that weren't created to reach an audience.

I miss opening Instagram and knowing what Jasmine did over the weekend.

I miss scrolling to the end and feeling caught up.

And I miss being able to enjoy a perfectly lovely Saturday at home without an app reminding me of everything I could have been doing instead.

Maybe that's nostalgic.

But I don't think wanting more control over what we see is unreasonable.

Social media platforms have become incredibly sophisticated at figuring out what they think we want. Wouldn't it be nice if they made it just as easy for us to tell them?

Because at the end of the day, I'm not asking for less connection.

I'm asking for more of the connection I actually came for.

More friends. More real moments. More choice. Less noise.

I don't want less social media.

I want more social in my social media.

Until then, I'll be over here manually organizing my 50 Instagram Favorites.

Because apparently, that's what it takes to see my friends these days.

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Your Turn

I have a few questions, because I genuinely want to know if I'm the only one feeling this way.

1. Do you miss chronological social media feeds? Remember when you could actually get caught up and put your phone down?
2. If you could separate your social media into different feeds, what would yours be? Friends, family, businesses, community events, hobbies, or something completely different?
3. Have you found a setting or trick that makes your feeds better? Share it in the comments or on our social media. I'm always interested in finding something that actually works.
4. And please tell me someone else remembers the MySpace Top 8 drama.

Because that was an entire social experiment we somehow survived.

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Sara is the co-host and producer of Burnt Out Perfectionist, a podcast about ADHD, burnout, and surviving adulthood with your sense of humour intact. New episodes every Monday at 6 AM PST. Find us at burntoutperfectionist.com or follow along on Instagram and Linktree.

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