Why “Getting It Together” Is a Scam (And What We’re Doing Instead)
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Let’s go ahead and cancel the myth of “getting it together,” shall we?
We’re convinced it was invented by someone who’s never lost their keys while holding them or ended up in the cereal aisle wondering if they were even supposed to be grocery shopping.
If you’re like us—navigating life with an ADHD brain, juggling a million tabs in your mind, and feeling like your energy levels are powered by mystery—you’ve probably figured it out by now: “together” is not the goal.
In fact, after dozens of episodes of Burnt Out Perfectionist, a few mental spirals, and many middle-of-the-night epiphanies (some of which involved snack reorganizing), we’ve decided to stop chasing “together” and start building something better: sustainable, weird, sometimes messy systems that actually work for us.
Here’s What We’re Doing Instead 👇
1. Embracing the Messy Middle
We’re not productivity gurus. We’re not spiraling 24/7 either. Most of us live in that in-between space where our intentions are golden, our routines are half-finished, and our laundry lives in a purgatory pile at the foot of the bed. That messy middle? It’s where real life happens.
We’re learning to stop judging ourselves for not “finishing strong” or for abandoning the third color-coded planner in a row. Consistency is great, but adaptability? That’s the real flex.
If you do 50% of the task that is more than 0%, so if you can only unload the dishwasher and not reload it that is FINE. Daily see how much you have, Eve measures in the spoon theory and I see how much percentage i feel i have left and if that is creative or chore based. We embrace what works for us and you should too
2. Romanticizing Tiny Wins
Folded one load of laundry? Lit a candle and stared at the wall for 5 peaceful minutes? Didn’t let your dishes become sentient beings this week? That’s a win.
ADHD brains often don’t recognize effort unless there’s a gold star attached. So we’re learning to throw our own imaginary parades for the tiniest acts of progress. And honestly, life is more fun when you treat brushing your teeth like it deserves a trophy. Why not celebrate you and what you do on the daily, that is not cringe! Stickers, sweet treats and more ! Figure out what works best for you.
3. Redefining What “Productive” Means
Here’s your reminder: rest is productive. Play is productive. Taking care of your nervous system is productive. Crafting as it is fun is productive. Fun can be a productive thing.
It doesn’t matter how many tasks you checked off if you finished the day feeling like a fried iPhone battery or unable to walk the next day lol. We’ve spent years trying to “do it all,” only to realize that the definition of success changes when you’re spicy. Now, we measure productivity by how aligned something feels, not just how many hours we were “on.”
If your brain’s favorite time to function is 9 p.m. while eating cereal out of a mug—same. And we support that.
4. Creating a Fake Structure (It Works, OK?)
Timers. Body doubling. Pretending you’re in a productivity vlog. Lying to yourself about deadlines just to activate urgency. These are not signs that you’re broken—they are brilliant workarounds.
We’ve learned that we don’t need a rigid system. We just need the illusion of structure to get things going. Our brains respond to novelty, movement, and dopamine, so anything that adds a sprinkle of fun (even if it’s totally fake) is fair game. You’re not faking it—you’re customizing your life like the genius you are.
I recently saw that Jeremy from Wild til’ 9 created a shortcut on his phone to make it greyscale at 10pm every night. This makes your phone less appealing , I (Sara) will be trying this. I don’t know why but at 10-11pm I see it as early to go to bed lol and I stay on my phone until 12am or 1am …. Which we all know is not healthy.
5. Normalizing the Spiral
Sometimes we spiral. That’s not failure—it’s just part of the cycle.
We have good days and “what is time” days. Some mornings we’re crushing to-do lists, and by 2 p.m. we’re emotionally invested in a YouTube video about penguins. It’s fine. The more compassion we show ourselves when we dip into brain fog or decision fatigue, the faster we bounce back.
And honestly? That “bounce back” counts as resilience. You don’t have to be constantly thriving to be doing well.
6. Being Real About Mental Energy
Here’s something we don’t talk about enough: sometimes we don’t forget to do things—we remember, we just don’t have the mental fuel to start. That’s not laziness. That's the executive dysfunction at play.
So instead of asking, “Why can’t I just do this simple task?” we’ve started asking, “What would make this feel doable right now?”
Can I break it down? Outsource it? Put it on tomorrow’s list without shame? That tiny mindset shift has been life-changing—and we highly recommend stealing it.
Final Thoughts: Together Is Overrated Anyway
You don’t need to have it all together. You don’t need to be optimized, aesthetic, or alarmingly consistent. You’re allowed to exist in flux, figure it out in phases, and build systems that work for this version of you—even if that looks different next month.
So if you’ve ever felt like your brain is doing the absolute most at the weirdest possible times, or like your task list is auditioning for a horror movie, just know: you’re not alone. We’re right there with you, cup of lukewarm coffee in hand, trying again with slightly more humor and slightly less shame.
🎧 P.S. If this resonated, our latest podcast episodes explore even more of the fun, frustrating, and surprisingly relatable stuff ADHD brains get up to—from how we process time to why procrastination sometimes makes us productive in the weirdest ways.
👕 And if you want to literally wear your burnout badge with pride, check out our ADHD-friendly apparel line: Overwhelmed the Label
📱 Let’s be Internet friends: @burntoutperfectionist
💬 Drop a comment: What rule or routine have you ditched in favor of something that actually works for you?